fashion for faith in four colors: rack report
Showing posts with label rack report. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rack report. Show all posts

Monday, April 30, 2012

Christina Hendricks

My dearest Fashionable Reader, I'd like to get one thing straight. I adore Christina Hendricks. And I'm not just talking Mad Men. I've loved her from her Firefly days.


Because I'm not a huge Don Draper fan (I'm exhausted by his chronic womanizing story line) these days when I do watch Mad Men, which isn't often, I mainly fast forward to Peggy and Joan. And really, it's all about Joan.


Christina Hendricks is amazing. I could watch that woman read the phone book. She's stunning and hypnotic and brilliant. And the costume mistress on Mad Men knows how to dress her perfectly.

However (you know there was a "however" coming, didn't you?) no one else seems to know how to dress her. She keeps making red carpet attire mistakes. And because she is our current Rack Representative D'jour I feel I must address this matter.


A cross front wrap dress can be a good idea for the Rack, especially if one is both curvy and a little thicker round the middle. But if one is an extreme hourglass shape, it often fails to work. This dress, while lovely, is too much material for her. It's needs to be tailored in under the arms and at the waist and the skirt should be slimmer. The pattern is also overwhelming. Here's a better option.


Speaking of patterns. Here's a red carpet patterned offering:

Meh, it's OK. The pattern is a bit muted. The length of the sleeves and the height of the neckline makes it frumpy. 

How about this instead?

The sleeves over the elbow are more elegant. The skirt is narrower and thus slimming. The pattern is prettier, and the scoop neckline more flattering. It's always a good idea with a large Rack to show off slim wrists and a nice collar bone.

 This pattern is very bold and she might be able to carry it off but the top of the dress is too small. She needed the next size (or two) up and then the whole rest of it tailored to fit. 

Speaking of problems on the top . . .

I almost like this dress. I adore the old Hollywood cut and the color is great on her. I'm meh on the sleeves and the feathers. But again, the top does not fit her. The neckline should be at least two inches higher up, she just looks like she'd in increasing danger of spilling out. Which I am certain many like, but it's hardly elegant. More slutty in a Jessica rabbit kind of way.


So how about a purple outfit that's a little more like this?


I do think redheads can wear black, although Hendricks is so pale she can look a bit undead.

Here are her red carpet black mistakes:


 Again, too small on top.

Here we have a high neck ruffled jobby, never good with a large Rack, and then an ill fitted corset. Places exist that can help with that.

 Here are a few I am ambivalent about, they don't really work for various reasons but at least they fit OK.



Here, on the other hand, are a couple black looks that really work on her.

 Why? The square neckline, the skirt length, the tailored fit. 

And here is my personal favorite. I love it so much I went out and found and bought and dress like it.

Neckline shape and details draw attention up to face and away from Rack. Color pattern helps the black from being too stark. Pencil cut very flattering because of the tailoring and lack of excess material (which adds volume).


How about blue?
Again, I'm sure it's a lovely dress, although I object to the tribbles on her shoulder. Doesn't she know how difficult it is to control those things? The top does not fit her properly and I think the color is too muted. 

I give you this for contrast . . .

 Stunning!

Here she is in a lovely top that fits her perfectly.


Here's one that actually seems to fit her OK, but the placement of the flower makes her look like she's lost her neck.


Here she is in a modern dress, but honey that most certainly is Photoshopped.


And some last sins against this most amazing Rack.


 I'm not convinced these red carpet issues are entirely her fault. Firstly, she should fire her stylist and find one who has a figure similar to hers and knows how to dress it, rather than some emaciated plastic blond type. I also think that these modern designers with their stick models try to size up the whole dress for Hendricks and it doesn't work. The very concept of proper tailoring is alien to the Rachel Roys of the world. Coco Channel they are most certainly NOT.


Thursday, March 1, 2012

Oscars Wrap Up ~ Sins Against the Rack

My general impressions of the Oscar dresses? Meh. I just wasn't really wowed by anything, Fashionable Reader. So in the end, I don't mind missing them for a signing at Borderlands. I liked a few of them, and some were nicely retro, but mostly . . . meh.

And then there were the other dresses. A rash of them. And what did they all have in common? Ill fitted, ill designed chestal regions. Let me explain . . .

Sin 1: Gone Swimming


So you know the two fingers thing, for putting a collar on a cat? So you don't do it too tight? The same does not apply to the bodice of a dress. If one is less fortunate up top, one needs to be fitted properly just as much as us over endowed. I can't decide if this dress was too tall in the torso for her, or just too big. In either case, I'm under the nerve raking impression anyone with a few inches on the girl could just look down and . . . jackpot.


Natalie nearly made my favorites list. You know, Fashionable Reader, how I love a 1950s silhouette and polka dots? And then she turned sideways. Sigh.


Why? Why? Why? Someone should have stopped her. Colin, please, make it go away.

Sin 2: Down Under



Are there boobs there at all? Where did they go? And how will they get back? They could be gone forever! Oh, no, save them! I'm panicking here.

Sin 3: Side Cleavage


Need I say more? OK, I will. Cleavage is good in moderation but only in a frontal central location, not the side, not the tush, and not the toes. It's just like perfume.

Sin 4: Absences Does Not Make the Breast Grow Fonder


Bad color choice, why would you want to look naked and fluffy? Both dresses look as if they need to be worn under something else, either that or there's some strange bird furry naked chicken fetich I don't know about.

I'm reminded of that famous saying.

Sexy is running a feather down your lover's body,
Kinky is doing it was a rubber chicken,
Perverted is using a live roster.

Or something. Now where was I? Oh yes . . .

Sin 5: The Lovely Bones


Goes to dressmaker and says, "You know I really want it to look like my breastbones are on the outside. Tres chic!" Let's not even talk about the entire absence of cleavage. If you don't have it, showing your sternum doesn't make it magically appear. Modesty is required for either extreme.